Post by eba on Jan 12, 2007 3:15:58 GMT 12
The words below are an extract of the story told by Robbie's mother after her only son committed suicide. These are not her official words, they have been summarised by another person.
On January 2, 1997, Robbie Kirkland, a 14-year-old boy, committed suicide after a 4-year struggle to accept and find peace with his homosexuality.
Robbie’s family loved, supported and accepted him for what he was, but was unable to protect him from the rejection and harassment he experienced at his Catholic schools, or his overall perception of how society and religion view homosexuality.
Robbie was the only son to the family; he was a very special and loving person. He was very kind and sensitive with a witty sense of humour. Robbie had always loved writing – his dream job would see him as a writer.
At an early age Robbie was teased and harassed at school because he was noticeably different from other boys.
This young boy was soft spoken, gentle, creative, and disliked sports! Robbie made many efforts to fit in with other boys, such as participating in sports and pretending to have crushes on girls.
It wasn’t enough.
He was still perceived as gay and encountered teasing and harassment, usually out of the teacher’s view. Over a period of time, the effects of homophobia, he encountered at school, left him feeling ashamed, isolated and insecure.
He was not happy to be gay, knowing how much his Catholic schoolmates, society, and the Catholic doctrine rejected homosexuality.
The internet played both a positive and a negative role in Robbie’s struggled life. His mother has very mixed feelings today because of the role the internet plays in his son’s life. Overall she would like to say that “it was more of a positive resource for Robbie than a negative, despite the dangers he encountered.”
When the family was signed onto AOL (America On Line) in January of 1996, one year before Robbie Kirkland suicide, he was ecstatic. His family did not yet know their only son and brother was gay. He was warned of the many dangers the internet had, such as sexual predators and pornographic sites. He reassured his mother that he was “too smart for something like that” and would use extreme caution online.
Since Robbie had always been a very responsible and trustworthy young teenager, we did not closely monitor his activity online. His joy and eagerness to go online warmed his mothers’ heart. He said that he was talking to friends in teen chat rooms, playing games, and obtaining information for schoolwork.
Because at the time AOL was charging an hourly rate at the time, Robbie’s time online was slightly restricted. When the first bill arrived, his mother was shocked to see that Robbie had disobeyed his parents. He apologised, saying how easy it was to lose track of time and to accumulate time waiting for sites to download and writing emails.
This caused Robbie’s parents to restrict and supervise his time more closely. Once again his family reassured him of their love, support and acceptance. They also decided to cancel the AOL account.
Soon after his parents found a suicide note while he was gone. Around the time we found the gay porno pictures. He had attempted suicide by taking a bottle of Tylenol, which he vomited a few hours later. In his note he wrote “I fear for my life” and “I fear on line”. His mother suggests that this is a reference to a man that was blackmailing him and other sexual predators that he encountered online.
In the past 9 months before Robbie’s unexpected end, he would make a few successful attempts to go back online without permission or the families’ knowledge. It was obvious that despite his negative experiences online, he found many positive resources though the internet.
The internet was a very important lifeline for Robbie Kirkland. He was so closeted with his family and friends, it provided him a safe place to be out and meet others like him. What a heartwarming feeling it must have been for him to connect with other teens that were gay.
Due to be closeted, he did not know that there were other teens experiencing the same range of emotions as him.
“A negative aspect of the internet is that it exposes gay youth to hard-core pornography and unhealthy views of the gay community.” says Robbie’s mother, “It gives the impression that being gay is all about sex. Adolescence is a time of raging hormones so gay youth can’t help but be curious and gravitate to online pornographic websites. Despite the dangers that Robbie encountered, I still believe that the internet is a wonderful resource for gay youth.”
Robbie’s mother continues to explain that parents should closely monitor and supervise their children online and put a block on pornography sites. Educating them about the dangers as well as the variety of resources the internet offers is paramount. It is important to establish an ongoing dialogue with your child about the internet.
Of course monitoring a gay youth that is not out to his or her family will inhibit them from going to gay websites, for fear of discovery by the family. Robbie’s mother regrets that she prohibited Robbie from the one place he did not have to be closeted, where people accepted him for who he was, and shared his pain and struggle.
-----
On January 2, 1997, Robbie Kirkland, a 14-year-old boy, committed suicide after a 4-year struggle to accept and find peace with his homosexuality.
Robbie’s family loved, supported and accepted him for what he was, but was unable to protect him from the rejection and harassment he experienced at his Catholic schools, or his overall perception of how society and religion view homosexuality.
Robbie was the only son to the family; he was a very special and loving person. He was very kind and sensitive with a witty sense of humour. Robbie had always loved writing – his dream job would see him as a writer.
At an early age Robbie was teased and harassed at school because he was noticeably different from other boys.
This young boy was soft spoken, gentle, creative, and disliked sports! Robbie made many efforts to fit in with other boys, such as participating in sports and pretending to have crushes on girls.
It wasn’t enough.
He was still perceived as gay and encountered teasing and harassment, usually out of the teacher’s view. Over a period of time, the effects of homophobia, he encountered at school, left him feeling ashamed, isolated and insecure.
He was not happy to be gay, knowing how much his Catholic schoolmates, society, and the Catholic doctrine rejected homosexuality.
The internet played both a positive and a negative role in Robbie’s struggled life. His mother has very mixed feelings today because of the role the internet plays in his son’s life. Overall she would like to say that “it was more of a positive resource for Robbie than a negative, despite the dangers he encountered.”
When the family was signed onto AOL (America On Line) in January of 1996, one year before Robbie Kirkland suicide, he was ecstatic. His family did not yet know their only son and brother was gay. He was warned of the many dangers the internet had, such as sexual predators and pornographic sites. He reassured his mother that he was “too smart for something like that” and would use extreme caution online.
Since Robbie had always been a very responsible and trustworthy young teenager, we did not closely monitor his activity online. His joy and eagerness to go online warmed his mothers’ heart. He said that he was talking to friends in teen chat rooms, playing games, and obtaining information for schoolwork.
Because at the time AOL was charging an hourly rate at the time, Robbie’s time online was slightly restricted. When the first bill arrived, his mother was shocked to see that Robbie had disobeyed his parents. He apologised, saying how easy it was to lose track of time and to accumulate time waiting for sites to download and writing emails.
This caused Robbie’s parents to restrict and supervise his time more closely. Once again his family reassured him of their love, support and acceptance. They also decided to cancel the AOL account.
Soon after his parents found a suicide note while he was gone. Around the time we found the gay porno pictures. He had attempted suicide by taking a bottle of Tylenol, which he vomited a few hours later. In his note he wrote “I fear for my life” and “I fear on line”. His mother suggests that this is a reference to a man that was blackmailing him and other sexual predators that he encountered online.
In the past 9 months before Robbie’s unexpected end, he would make a few successful attempts to go back online without permission or the families’ knowledge. It was obvious that despite his negative experiences online, he found many positive resources though the internet.
The internet was a very important lifeline for Robbie Kirkland. He was so closeted with his family and friends, it provided him a safe place to be out and meet others like him. What a heartwarming feeling it must have been for him to connect with other teens that were gay.
Due to be closeted, he did not know that there were other teens experiencing the same range of emotions as him.
“A negative aspect of the internet is that it exposes gay youth to hard-core pornography and unhealthy views of the gay community.” says Robbie’s mother, “It gives the impression that being gay is all about sex. Adolescence is a time of raging hormones so gay youth can’t help but be curious and gravitate to online pornographic websites. Despite the dangers that Robbie encountered, I still believe that the internet is a wonderful resource for gay youth.”
Robbie’s mother continues to explain that parents should closely monitor and supervise their children online and put a block on pornography sites. Educating them about the dangers as well as the variety of resources the internet offers is paramount. It is important to establish an ongoing dialogue with your child about the internet.
Of course monitoring a gay youth that is not out to his or her family will inhibit them from going to gay websites, for fear of discovery by the family. Robbie’s mother regrets that she prohibited Robbie from the one place he did not have to be closeted, where people accepted him for who he was, and shared his pain and struggle.
-----
